Here I am, it's 11:15 AM,

I'm sitting on my couch turning thoughts in my head. I'm unhappy! Unhappy, she said. What could lift this dread? This subconscious unsettling conclusion.

I need love in my life. I am giving mine away without thinking about how much I have left for myself because I've always known that my love is endless but does it mean that I'm forever doomed to give more, than I receive myself?

I can be calculating in life, but never in love. Love is its own beast and cares not for the boundaries of time and space.

Unhappy! Unhappy she said.

How can one be unhappy when love is given freely to others without expectations. I wont lie though, I am human and bound to fits of disappointment for time to time, but I quickly float over these ego-driven feelings to try and reclaim a calmer state of mind.

I need something which I know not what it is. But I need it, I need it soon. Because going on like this is nice but I can feel myself crumbling from the inside.

I need to find my grail, my mojo, my gri-gri, my safe-keep.

I NEED TO BE HAPPY. I WANT to be happy.

Happy... A conditioned state of mind that allows no doubts, no nervousness, no gravity. Happy, the only way to feel free.

I've trained my mind like a switch, so happiness would be just a click away in my subconscious. Some days it works better than others.

Today I'm unhappy. Unhappy, she said. Though the sun is shining and I'm THANKFUL for everything. There's still something missing.

Oh yeah... I got this unhappy feeling.